Ask ReproJobs: My boss is a terrible manager and I'm afraid she'll retaliate if I speak up. Help!
Dear ReproJobs,
I just started a job about a month ago, and I’m already so miserable. While I like the work and generally like most of the people at the organization, my direct supervisor (who I work with a ton) is very difficult. She is mean and belittling toward staff (including me), can’t manage her stress, does not communicate clearly (and takes over all meetings so getting your questions answered can be hard), micromanages, and generally loses her cool when something isn’t perfect according to her, even if it’s a minor fix and she didn’t communicate clearly. She also keeps track of all communications she has with every person because she doesn’t “trust” anyone, treats all co-workers as her adversaries, and works constantly (and expects others to do the same). I dread work every day and have a lot more anxiety and depression. I’m also caretaking at home, and while I’m managing it well, there’s no accommodations— meetings get dropped on me last minute, I’m called for long phone calls at all points of the day without warning. My role was created to bring additional hands on deck, and we have a really busy time for work between January-April. I want to apply and get out of this position ASAP, but I know I’ll be burning bridges with the other people (who I like and will likely cross paths with again), especially given the busy season coming up. I considered going to HR or someone to discuss these issues, but my supervisor holds grudges and mistreats anyone she has even a minor issue with, so I’m sure she will retaliate and make things much worse in the meantime. The only option I see right now is to stick around for 9-12 months at least and then make moves to leave, but I know I will hate every second of that, and it will hurt my mental health and my family that I’m caring for until then. I also am very afraid of losing my income, as I’m helping my parents who had to cut down on work hours due to COVID and being of older age, so I’m risk adverse in this situation. What do you think I should do? -
- Stuck in Shittsville
Dear Stuck in Shittsville,
There's no other way to say this -- it sounds like your boss is a total asshole. And, most likely, other people at the organization (and probably in the movement, too) know it. We're so sorry to hear that you're dealing with this toxic behavior, which is incredibly stressful normally but even more so during a pandemic and in disturbingly turbulent political times.
With all that said, the path forward seems clear: make a plan to get out. If you do not think HR would support you, if you do not think your boss would be open to feedback and working on her management style, you need to do what's best for you, even if it is inconvenient for the organization. That might look like doing your job (so you can support your parents) while looking for a new job, and leaving as soon as you have something lined up. There are a million reasons people are job searching, even switching careers, during a pandemic, whether they need more schedule flexibility, ability to be remote, expanded benefits, etc. It's ok to leave a job in less than one year -- lots of people do it, and you can explain in neutral terms why you're doing so in your cover letter -- make it about the pandemic, make it about your family's shifting needs, about wanting to grow in your professional capacity, whatever you need to do so you're not crying at work every day. You do not need to suffer for a year or more before making a plan to leave. Put yourself first and start that job search now.
If you're afraid of burning bridges with co-workers, use the time you do have at your current job to shore up your relationships with them. Have lunches over Zoom, offer to support them on their projects, tell them when they're kicking ass at work, ask them how things are at home. They know you're a person outside of your job, and if they're really worth your time and attention, they'll understand when the time comes for you to leave, regardless of if that's in a few weeks or a few months. The truth is, if they've been at the organization for any length of time, they probably know your boss is a shitty manager and won't be surprised when you make your next professional move. Remember that you are a worthy, valuable professional connection for them too -- they should want to build a strong relationship with you, which means supporting you in your professional growth.
It pains us to say it but we know a lot of people in your situation. It's easy for us to sit here and give advice when you're dealing with this kind of intolerable bullshit tied to your paycheck. Do what is best for you -- you do not owe this insufferable manager any more of your emotional bandwidth.
Love,
ReproJobs