Planners and Mental Health

Lindsay Rodriguez is the Communications Director at the National Network of Abortion Funds. She serves on the board of directors for Fund Texas Choice, and lives in Texas. She likes hanging out on patios with her dog reading books, winning intense arguments about leopard print being an everyday neutral, evangelizing about what makes good nachos, and while she hates cleaning her house, she’s really making some progress there this year. Talk to her planners, overly complicated productivity systems, abortion funding, and which boxed wine pairs best with which bingeable TV show on Twitter at @LindsayHotRod. 

*Note: In this piece, I use the word “women” because at this time there’s a lack of ADHD research and data available about the many people who don’t fit within the rigid gender binary; do better, researchers! 

I’m a late-in-life planner convert. I think it’s no surprise to anyone that a lot of schooling for most of us doesn’t focus on any foundational real life skills that translate into meeting the demands of the real world, but rather rote memorization and formulaic output. School was relatively easy for me for most of my time there, and so I didn’t develop a lot of organizational skills. But once I became an adult, the amount of hours in the day collided with just how many bills I had to pay and how many commitments of time people asked for from me. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get all my work done, I just couldn’t get my house cleaned, I just always missed paying one of my bills somewhere because I’d forgotten to account for it. It’s not that I didn’t care; if anything, I thought constantly about everything I knew I wasn’t accomplishing and anguished over why I just couldn’t make it happen. When I was finally diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago, it was like putting a missing puzzle piece in. 

I taught middle and high school, and I used to tell my students that writing down the little things they had to remember would free their mind to think about interesting things they wanted to use their brain for, and free them from that anxious feeling that they’re always forgetting something important. I don’t want anyone to experience the same sense of distress and anxiety disorganization causes me. I know that feeling well; even when I am caught up, I feel guilty that I’m not remembering or prioritizing something that I forgot about. That anxiety and shame for my inability to have an orderly brain like so many of my colleagues and successful people I know is deeply ingrained in me. But while a rise in diagnosis of ADHD in women* is bringing to the forefront the benefits and strengths of neurodiversity in workplaces, most of the real world is not set up for people whose brains might work differently. Women in particular face a lot of stigma and it’s estimated the majority of women with ADHD aren’t diagnosed. The inability to meet the gendered expectations assigned more often to women can lead to years of a spiral of feeling incompetent and full of shame, without ever understanding why; instead, it’s often treated as a moral failure, as just not working hard enough. And when they are diagnosed, they’re treated with suspicion because ADHD often doesn’t present in girls/women the same way it does in boys - and primarily the young white boys were the people most studied in the 70s when studies began to cement the idea of what ADHD is. A combination of of erasure plus gendered expectations of organization, domesticity, caretaking, and people pleasing has led to a dearth of studies and data about women and ADHD (and I certainly haven’t come across much about women/girls of color). It can be really invalidating. 

 In the past few years, I’ve learned more about the connections between depression, anxiety, and how ADHD presents in women. I’ve always dealt with depression. Anxiety was new to me when I entered adult responsibility world. And the past few years have illuminated how much I’ve struggled with ADHD but had never been diagnosed. It was a relief to figure out that I’m not just perpetually and unavoidably lazy, or that something wasn’t deeply wrong with me because things that seemed to come easy to others didn’t come easy to me. And it’s been a relief to find out I’m not the only one. Because of the deep societal stigma and suspicion that comes with talking about ADHD, and complete misunderstanding about what ADHD even is or how it presents, many of us just don’t.

To be real, a lot of the to do task things that float around my brain and inspire anxiety just aren’t very interesting, important, or fun to me, but neglecting them have bigger consequences the older I get. It’s super weird how bill collectors just don’t care about the really good movie you saw instead of reading your mail.

When I’m railing against capitalism, or sexism, or white non-profit/corporate culture, and how I don’t fit, it’s easier. When I’m losing opportunities to care for myself or letting down the people fighting for liberation around me because I didn’t hold up my end of the bargain, it’s a lot harder. It’s not a coincidence that ADHD in women shares strong ties to depression and anxiety. When you feel like you’re always letting people down in a society that socialized you to care for others, manage a domestic sphere, be nice, and above all, do it while not being messy or an issue that makes someone else’s life hard, struggling with attention and prioritization leads to anxiety that you’re not good enough at all times, and depression when you inevitably drop balls because it reinforces that you’re not together even when you try really hard. 

I don’t want to be disingenuous; I can’t keep it together without medication and that combined with regular therapy has been the biggest game changer for me. There’s no getting around that, and there’s no magic bullet planner that’s going to shift my brain into fitting in the way much of workplace culture is designed. But my planner has been a critical tool to work with how my disorganized brain can get along in a world that values a different way of thinking. And apparently I’m not the only one. In fact, I sometimes wonder if the rise of “planner culture” really is one of women devising creative systems to get shit done in a world that rarely affords them the space and support to do so. Many people with ADHD spend their lives developing intricate systems of “hacks” to cope with or redefine their way around the mundane demands of the world and make acceptable the attention they give to the tasks they find creatively satisfying. Procrastination through the pursuit of increased productivity is a real struggle. (Co-star tells me this is also a trait of having my sun sign and Mercury in Aquarius). One of the things I’ve become an evangelist for is a good planner system. This has come to my own great surprise at this later point in my life because the last thing I’d identify myself as is a great planner.

Because I’ve tried them all, I’ve compiled some questions and guidance that have come up through my search for the one perfect thing that would finally get my life together. Through trial and error, I actually interrogated a lot of the structure and process of my day, and made proactive decisions about how differently I’d like it to be laid out if I designed it. So I did put it together in a way that resonates just for me in my planner. 

How structured do you need your day to be?

Some people have days that are highly scheduled, hour by hour, with hard due dates. Some people just have a ton of things to get done and are given the space to figure out how to fit them in, but know that they need to get done. This is arguably the variable you should think most about, and that you might need to play with for awhile before you end up with what feels right. 

Weekly layouts are for the kind of person who thinks in weekly chunks, works for the weekend, and needs to see what’s up ahead for the next few days to feel at ease today. Generally, planners feature the days of the week in blocks or columns, where you can write important time bound things like due dates, commitments like parties so you don’t double book, things to look forward to like happy hours with your friends or days off, and things you need to regularly remember like watering your plants, grocery shopping, and doing your laundry. You don’t need to track where you need to be every minute, but there’s at least a few things you need to remember most days if you’re going to stay ahead of the curve. These are good habit formers when you’re getting started. 

Hour by hour layouts break your day up into time chunks to highly structure what you need to get done. I’d argue these might even be more helpful for the kind of person that doesn’t go from meeting to meeting, or appointment to appointment, because large amounts of unstructured time can often be, counterintuitively, the enemy of slaying your to do list when it feels too overwhelming. You need an hour to read the news and drink your coffee in the morning? You need to take a lunch break? You need like for real, two hours at night to sit on the couch and zone out to TV? Schedule that shit! This was one of the hardest things for me as someone that values my spontaneity and flexibility, but what I realized was when I didn’t make explicit time for the things I didn’t think offered value, I either didn’t do them and felt resentful, or I did too much of them and felt guilty. What you schedule demonstrates your priorities, and it’s ok to get really real about what they are. I don’t get into this all the time, but when I’m feeling overwhelmed or facing a specific deadline, it’s not unusual for me to sit down and plot where exactly in my day I will shower, wash my dishes, or text my mom. Sorry mom, that’s why I can’t always drop everything and reply right away.

Monthly layouts are helpful if you’re the kind of person who is trying to remember birthdays, bill due dates, doctors appointments you made months ago, to get prescriptions refilled, to show up for someone else’s event. You may not need to see every day in detail because your life isn’t structured that way. But your rent and phone bill are structured by month, and at the very least, monthly layouts are a great place to finally get all those never ending payment dates are located in relation to each other. I’m pretty visual and often think more in mind maps and connections, and seeing these dates on a calendar in relation to each other, and to my paychecks and events I have coming up, helps concretize the order of operations I need to take into account before spending. Fun fact: people with ADHD often have impulse control issues around saving their money! Often, you’re solving some kind of problem, so there goes that obsessive systematizing, too. Knowing what bills are coming up and how far, far, far away payday is can really put it into perspective.

How far in advance do you need to plan the future?

Don’t be married to a calendar year if that’s not how your life works. There are planners that prioritize quarters and ones that go for half a decade. They’re all valid, depending on the cyclical nature of your particular responsibilities. However, I’d argue for getting your next one before you end your current one, and keeping it close because you absolutely won’t remember to add something when you switch over. I’m already scheduling things months into 2020! What is this world! Play around with what feels right to you and whether it’s soothing or anxiety-provoking to have an entire year, or more, stretching ahead of you. 

Do you have varying structures or schedules at different times in your month/year/life?

You actually don’t have to stick with one type of planner all the time! This was revelatory to me. Binder format planners like mine enable me to swap out layouts for weeks that I travel or am on vacation, move things around when I make life changes or need a refresh, keep track of what I’m spending on Christmas presents for my family, or when I’m trying out some new novel thing in my planner without having to commit to a specific style forever. An a5 binder is where I finally landed when I realized there’s options that aren’t like super 80s corporate daytimer Working Girl versions of these. You can also keep lists of all the books you don’t want to forget to read or movies that you don’t want to forget to watch. And go ahead and Working Girl to that movie list if you haven’t already seen it.

How important (or detrimental) is it for you to combine your planner with the rest of your brain? 

This goes back to experimenting with what feels overwhelming versus what feels soothing, and it’s a spectrum that varies for everyone. If it helps you to add “switch out toothbrush” every three months to sit alongside your work due dates, get it on that calendar. For me, this is critical for me when I’m feeling like I’m slipping into depressive episodes, too. While unfortunately everything that is good for my mental health tends to slip away when I’m spiraling down, including using my planner, often the very small tasks of crossing off “drink water” or “shower” or “get dressed” can make me feel closer to human again. I try to get these routines full of types of things down when I feel a depressive episode starting to help support me when I can’t make those same decisions in the healthy ways. It doesn’t work every day, but it helps me to make it happen some days, and sometimes is better than never when you’re struggling to get back on track. If it feels overwhelming to see every human thing you’re responsible for next to each other, you might think about getting a work planner you keep with you when you’re working but that doesn’t travel around with you when you’re trying to disconnect. Just remember to check whatever places you’re putting that info down!

What else do you want to get out of your head so you don’t forget it?

On that same note, give yourself enough space to regularly purge your mind of the thoughts flying around. Often these are those tiny tasks you’re trying not to forget. Writing it down right away, no matter how small, increases the chance you’ll get to it. But once you get in this practice, you might find yourself committing wild ideas or the beginnings of project plans to paper. Hey look, now you’re manifesting! Don’t lose your genius to the ether, and give yourself more of a chance to act on your flights of fancy. Make lists and sections for all the types of information you want to get out of your brain, because trying to carry it all around means you will inevitably lose some of it, and it might be the important stuff. Grocery lists, emails you meant to return, your exact shade of Fenty foundation. Write it down, get it out, and make space for your brain to ideate and process instead of just holding on to info for dear life. For this reason I recommend finding a planner that gives you plenty of empty notes pages, or carry around a little notebook with you to move those ideas to a more formal place the next time you’re next to your planner. 

How much reflection are you looking for?

There’s a lot of planners that work something like a life coach. I mean, I think. I’ve never had a life coach. But you can buy a planner that asks you more pointed questions than any of your friends or family dare to, and give you a process for figuring out the distance between where you are, and what you want your life to be. Some of them will ask you some big questions! Making and breaking down goals, reflecting on lessons you’ve learned, and physically writing down things you’re grateful for are all having a moment, but it’s because they truly are game changers for folks. If you’re looking for a private and portable accountability partner, this might work for you, and rolling it all into one format will help keep those goals front of mind when you’re planning out your day to day life. But maybe you live with a nosy roommate or in an insecure work environment and you don’t want to leave that kind of vulnerability lying around. In that case, keep your journal and your planner separate because you don’t want anything making you nervous or holding you up from actually using your planner. 

What size do you need?

Maybe you noticed I’m long winded! Or maybe you feel good using big bubbly letters. Or maybe you like to doodle around your writing to help you think. Make sure you have enough space to write down all that’s in your head, because if you feel thwarted or cut off enough, you’ll stop using it. On the flip side, if you like a bullet journal like code, if you’re a person of few words, if you hate carrying a purse or backpack, don’t saddle yourself with a giant book that you never want to carry or you’ll stop using it! 

It might sound like there’s so many places you can derail yourself, and if you’re not convinced, there are. But if you’re ready to commit to trying something that is just for you, that no one else sees, that nurtures your thoughts while keeping you just clear minded enough to stay on the right side of deadlines so you can more comfortably function in a neurotypical world, give it a go. Try to be gentle with your experimentation process, don’t beat yourself up for inevitably falling off the writing wagon, and don’t give up on your ability to create a personalized, niche, novel system for yourself because you should take pride in the ways your brain might work differently than other people’s around you; your creativity and system invention is a strength. And go ahead and schedule yourself a nap. You deserve it.